Waiting and waiting and waiting part 1

I never imagined how hard the wait would be.

The wait to meet my children felt like pure torture, but now I have no words to describe this feeling.

The emptiness, the longing to hold them again, the physical ache in my heart and arms, my empty arms.

I have other children at home and my 3 angels keep me busy, but with each activity we do, I think what would the boys be doing? What will it be like with 5 kids home? 

I will admit at times it feels overwhelming, but mostly I just feel excitement at the thought of having them all here at home.

I love telling people all about my boys, but then I get sad.

Why are they not here? Why does it take so long? Why does it cost so much? Why why why.....

How are you going to manage with 5 kids so close in age? How old are your girls? and How old are the boys?? How how how

The Whys are hard for me to answer....... Some of them I question myself.

The Hows .... Those I do better with. 

God has brought me this far and I know he will carry me through. I have an amazing support system and lots of amazing family and friends nearby. My parents are simply AMAZING and my kids all adore them. 

My girls are currently 4,6 and 8 and the boys are both 6. I love that my kids are all so close in age!

My girls are having some mixed emotions about having brothers the closer we get to bringing them home.

Some days they are beyond excited. Some days they are scared. (change is hard) Some days they get frustrated. (when mommy spend 6+ hours fundraising)

I do not think people understand the pain we go through being apart from our babies.

The love we have for them is as strong as the love of the children of our blood.

Try this for just a minute. Imagine someone taking your child at birth them putting them in a crib only to be taken out a few times a day to be fed an changed. Never loved on. Rarely or never held. Time goes by and your child's head starts to grow bigger and bigger and nobody seems to care. Time goes by and your child should have reached miles stones like holding his own head, sitting up, crawling, walking, running, going to preschool, going to kindergarten, graduating kindergarten, playing on his first sports team and many many more things. NONE of this ever happened. The hours turn into days and days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years..... Nothing changes for over 5 years he lays in his crib eating very little rarely or never held and unmoving. Finally, someone fought for him even before his mommy found him. They fought to help get him surgery for his large head that is filling with water. Then as someone fights to find his family, I saw his handsome tiny little face.

With the following words.....

You live in a place that made a five year old boy look like a tiny, skinny baby.

Meet Adam, who has endured severe physical, emotional, and medical neglect.  He lies in bed all the time with no baba and is suffering from the lack of shunt and cataract surgery.  I can’t look at him without tears, and cannot read his file without feeling angry.  Please, someone, allow God to move your heart, and email Nina Thompson about adopting this precious boy from Pl****.

I actually saw another child first and had sent a message inquiring about him, but then I saw Adam.

I knew right then that he was my son.

After we said we were going to commit to adopt Adam, we found out he was going to have shunt surgery. 

I was actually advised to not commit until AFTER his surgery to make sure he came out ok. Surgery was not for several more weeks and I could not wait. I signed the commitment papers telling them that he was my son, and I was going to bring him home!!

Hubby and I had agreed we would not adopt internationally again after we lost our boy Logan, but when he saw Adam he agreed that we needed to bring our son home.

I prayed every single day for God to sustain my son until I could get to him.

On September 4, 2012 Adam received his shunt. I was a wreck the entire day.

I finally got a message the following day....

"We are happy to inform you that child # 310 is feeling well after the
surgery. The neurosurgeon, who performed the surgery, checked the
child's condition today. The boy has no fever. He appears to be calm."

Minutes felt like days and I had to wait several more days, but I finally got an amazing update.

They not only sent me translated medical docs, but they also sent me pictures and videos!!

I was so excited to see more pics and especially videos of my son.

More to come.... this Mama needs to go to bed and dream of getting a court date :)