Love Makes Families

Love Makes Families
A family of 7 due to the blessing of adoption!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Warning.... Honesty exists in this post

See the title?? I feel the need to warn you that if you only enjoy the fairy tale stories, you should stop reading now.... I am going to discuss some of the truth about adoption.

Let me start by saying that I believe Adoption is a gift God has given.
I also believe that most things worth doing are not easy.

My husband and I were sitting down talking tonight after the kids went to bed.
He tells me that he is scared to bring the boys home.
He thought I was going to be mad at him for saying that.
Honestly, I am scared too.

Most people choose not to post that hard parts of adoption.... they choose to stick with the fairy tale version of the story. They are afraid that they will scare people away from adopting.... If what you read scares you, then maybe you might not be called to adopt, but that does not mean you cannot help. It does not get you off the hook for helping save the lives of these innocent children.

I imagine our first days will go something like this.
Adam so tiny and not used to getting liquids outside of 1 time a day will end up dehydrated and I will spend hours trying everything in my power to keep this tiny boy just the size of an infant at 6 years old as healthy as I can. Meanwhile Matthias will be trying to hit and bite his brother. You see Matthias is not an aggressive child, but he will be stuck in a world that is completely unfamiliar to him. We will be speaking all wrong. This language that neither of them understand. We will introduce foods that they may have never had before. Give them baths which they may have never experienced... Soap... this thing they have never heard of.
New sounds, new smells, new tastes, new language..... Every thing new.
People think, we are saving them. They will be so happy to be free from their orphanage.
WRONG!! They will be scared. We may see it as an awful place, but it is all they know!
Bad familiar is easier than good unfamiliar. 
So , we will be working hard to keep Adam out of the hospital (many kids from his orphanage end up in the hospital within days) and trying to keep Matthias calm.
Will we dare even leave the room?
Will we expose them to a little more of their culture before we head home?
Will they be miraculous and not have any problems?
How many time will I say "no" in their language?
Then after we are finally seeming to figure out a routine, we will load them up on a huge plane when they have barely even rode in a car and keep them out for over 24 hours. We will turn their nights into days and their days into nights. We will surround them with even more people who talk all wrong. These strange people will want to take pictures and hug them and love on them.
Neither of these boys, although 6 years old, can speak. They will not be able to communicate their fears, their needs, their wants.... anything.... I will be like a new mom to twins trying to figure out what they are wanting.
Will they cry? or are they so used to being ignored that they do not express needs or wants in any way.
Will it be a guessing game?

Then we have to try to find a routine as a family of 7....
Will the girls love helping with their brothers or will they be upset that they require so much of our time?
Will everything just fall into place and feel like they have always been home or will it feel as though we cannot do it?

Now let me tell you that adoption is a HUGE blessing in my life and I know that everything is going to work out, but my idea of working out (I kinda like the fairy tale version) and God's idea of working out (the not easy but worth it version) are very different.

I knew that this would be hard when we signed up and have been reminded very often!!! 
VERY VERY often...
Basically by everyone!!!

As my husband sat and discussed our main concerns we thought back to when we first had our children.
Kaitlyn was our first. She was born over 5 weeks early.....
That was not supposed to happen... First children often come late. People forgot to mention they sometimes come early.
We had just had the baby shower 5 days earlier. We had the bed, but it was not set up.
The list goes on and on!!!
She arrived and was perfect... well perfect in my eyes.
Family rallied and cleaned the house and put the nursery together while I was in the hospital.
Then the real fun began... She kept turning blue, she wasn't breathing, doctors calling me a paranoid first time mom, the throwing up, the jaundice and need for a biliblanket.... I could go on forever.
We probably had over 200 doctors visits and spent over $12,000 out of pocket in her first year of life, but she is completely worth it. At age 2, the doctors visits resumed and we discovered she was on the autism spectrum...... She is my oldest and is amazing... I wouldn't change a thing, but I would never have "asked" God for all those trials either.

Then Brittany was born less than 18 months after Kaitlyn. She was perfect. She slept, she never turned blue, she rarely cried.... I was like "yes, this is what I am talking about."
Then she couldn't sit up, couldn't crawl, couldn't walk...... the doctors were concerned.
Then she kept getting ear infections.... none of the medications were working...... 6 months of ear infection without a break. DAILY trips to the doctor for adult strength shots of antibiotics to clear the infection enough to put tubes in..... The tubes worked for 3 months then the infections started again, but the antibiotics helped this time.... Fast forward a few years. She is about to start school and we notice she is having trouble hearing. She is not following directions, but she speaks clearly.... what could it be??
Turns out she is partially deaf. 
Again, not what I would have asked for, but she has taught me so much!!
She is amazing... She can read lips with the best of them and most people have no clue until you put her on a softball team and she is out in the field..... Good luck with her reading your lips from there.
She is amazing.

Then my baby Alyssa was born. She was a huge 9lbs 3 oz. She ate well and kept on growing. She was amazing. When she was just 7 months old our lives flipped upside down.... She lost over 2 pounds in 10 days. She was miserably ill. Doctors had no idea what was happening. Nothing we did was helping her. Her blood counts were all out of control... Cancer?
I could not bear the thought.... allergy testing, exploratory surgeries, hematologists, oncologists, gastro docs and every type of doc you could imagine. Daily then every other day, then weekly and finally monthly trips to the lab for blood work which continues to this day.
Asthma, croup, RSV, infections etc..... She is always catching something.
Although she is sick and we take her to a lot of doctor's appts. She is perfect for our family.
She is amazing and each year she seems to be doing a little better.

God asked us to have not 3, but 5 special kiddos.
All kids have needs. My kids just get to have some "special" needs.
Why? Because God made them extra special then he blessed me with the strength, knowledge and ability to know how to help them. When I don't know how to help them, he answers my prayers and leads me in the right direction.

I choose to hope for the best, but plan for the worst when it comes to those first few days, weeks and months home.... God knows what will happen and he will give me the resources I need.....

Afterall, he gave me all of you right?

1 comment:

  1. Jaclyn, this is a beautiful post. Sending you love super Mama!!!! xoxox

    ReplyDelete